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Day 5–Transformation & Siblings

The earth offers many transformative spaces. Places of great beauty, places that remind us there is something bigger out there. For some, it means a walk on the ocean’s edge for others it means looking out from a sky scraper. For me, it means Sedona AZ and for 2 years it was a condo in Easton Ma. There are places that geographically, the longitudes and latitudes of the earth are axises of transformation. At these places, it all speeds up and clarity appears quickly and without effort. Relationships grow or end. What is working ceases if it is not from the heart. Find your transformation place. Find your place that quiets the mind or perhaps it will find you. Sedona and the condo found me.

My sister and I came together as friends briefly as adults. It was glorious. We reconciled our childhood experiences, traumas, and committed to maintaining a connection despite our mother’s attempts to fracture it. During this time, we bought a condo together and lived there for nine months. Within those nine months, I had a tremendous career shift and my sister found love and moved to Alaska.

Before she parted she wrote a beautiful poem that was about how my love showed her the way to her own power. On bad days, I think about the person who wrote that and wonder how far away or how close is that person. Fore, as her new love relationship grew, she moved further away from her power, her truth, and from me.  She is the only sibling I have and the loss is a death only to be reborn again. However, when the stork will come, I do not know.

At times of great inspiration, clarity, space, I wish she were here. It is funny to think, how does one get paired with a sibling. That person becomes the only other person who knows depths of you that it takes most spouses a life time. Dysfunction teaches you to blame, to not trust, to not love, to survive and to carry hurt, pain, anger, frustration for an existence not had—for experiences had.  Blame each other for your own pain.

One day my sister will come back when she is ready. In some ways, her departure taught me the most about my own power—to see it.  For that I am thankful and realize that some of our greatest lessons come from our greatest hurts. This was the first year that my sister did not call me or speak to me to wish me a happy birthday.  My first 6 were without her.  Places of great beauty can be places of great isolation can create space to hide—the choice is yours, the constant is transformation.


About Joy Rain

Joy has been a diversity and inclusion consultant and mediator for over ten years. Prior to consulting, she was professor of Psychology and Women Studies. Joy has a Master of Arts in Psychology (Boston University) and a Master of Education in Social Justice Education (UMASS Amherst).


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