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Day 19-Gifts, Change & 2012 Resolutions

Is it selfish to go away for 60days? Leave my spouse, our life together and just focus and work on myself? I think the answer is yes and that is ok. You know why it is ok, because I was ready and my wife is supportive and loves me. When I invite clients on the retreat, I am having some have said that “I just feel too selfish. I can’t.” I understand and you have to be ready to change.

Ready to start the journey and if you are not you are not. Just like I am not ready to start hot yoga, I am not ready to start that journey. My point is, there are some of us that are just as Paul Rudd said, “One tweak away from a great life.” That tweak can be big for some and enormous for others. The question is are you ready. I know for me I was ready and the thought of not doing it became worse than the thought of doing it.

Sometimes we think we can plan change and tell it no, not now later. Well, change happens whether we want it to or not—it is a constant. Change would still have happened for me if I had stayed home, I would just be on a different trajectory  than I am on now.  Again, I am back to is it ok to be selfish?

I heard once that if you can’t take care of yourself how can you take care of someone else. I also hear this from new mothers who just need some time away from their new babies to just be alone or with other adults. Is that selfish, yes it is and for a good reason. Because time away, time out can make you do your own life better. That’s what the Europeans understand about vacations and we Americans don’t.

When you take a break, take time to breath your life can get better, more manageable, your health can improve. The question is timing—are you ready, is the thought of not doing it worse than the thought of doing it. Are you ready to face whatever it is that keeps you so busy every day? There is no right or wrong answer—the choice and the timing is up to you. The Universe takes care of the rest.

My Sweety is arriving tomorrow. I am very excited. This is the longest we have been apart in 7years.  I have not been by myself in a house since 2007. I think time away is healthy. Sometimes, it is could to get in touch with just Joy. Keeps me connected to me. This time has offered me time to regroup, reconnect with my own physical body and really commit to eating less, getting control of my appetite and working out.

I am alone in my energy and it is good to check in and see what needs to be cleared, re-shaped and adopted. If you are coupled with or without kids, when was the last time you had time for yourself to just be, do, sit? There is a whole movie about it with Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman—pretty funny and yet some poignant moments.

This is the time of year, most of us reflect. Reflect on our lives, our families, our friends, our jobs. We give thanks, tell those close we love them. Call folks we don’t often speak to and wish them well. It offers us the opportunity to come together, celebrate, and for others maybe argue, maybe trigger each other and hopefully work it out in time for the next holiday.  This time of year also reminds us to think of others with less and how to help.

In this time of deep reflection, gratitude and love I ask you to consider taking care of yourself. I ask you this because when I take care of myself, I know I am a better wife, daughter, sister, and change agent. I ask you to do just one thing that makes you feel like you. That celebrates who you are and all that you are and show appreciation for yourself. For some this could be a massage, a few hours of quiet, a walk by the ocean, a movie, a new book.

For others who are ready, I ask you to consider coming to Sedona to Unlock The Leader Within. I am hosting a 2day workshop on January 20 & 21st. This is your chance to chart your course for 2012. Your chance to start a new relationship with change and live a life you want lead. I have a special guest, Life Counsel Tim Reilly will be leading a session on how working through anger and fear can result in inspired leadership.

Most of us give readily to others, help others in need and are there for each other. Now is the time to give a gift to yourself and cherish your being, your energy, your heart.

About Joy Rain

Joy has been a diversity and inclusion consultant and mediator for over ten years. Prior to consulting, she was professor of Psychology and Women Studies. Joy has a Master of Arts in Psychology (Boston University) and a Master of Education in Social Justice Education (UMASS Amherst).

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