I woke up feeling blah and glum. I didn’t feel strong—emotionally, physically, or spiritually. I started to beat up a bit on myself for straying from my new diet over the weekend. I realized that when my Sweety was here, we both like to live it up and eat what we want. Isn’t there a saying about couples getting happy and fat together. Well, we both realized over the week that just because it seems like a party when we are doing stuff, it doesn’t mean that we should throw caution to the wind and eat our favorites.
That is how I got gain 20pounds in the last 7years and the other 30 came on over the ten before that. But I digress, the dogs and I went for a walk early this morning and then we all took a nap. I did go back to my protein only breakfast and had tea instead of coffee.
Some times when I feel like I need to nurture myself, I drink tea. Tea just does that. Coffee for me is about getting pumped up, enjoying it but vibrating on a different level—high octaine. I love coffee don’t get me wrong. Some gurus suggest that coffee helps one mask, deny and “get thru” something. If I think about when I reach for coffee and when I reach for tea—very different energetically. Have you ever noticed that all you coffee and tea drinkers out there?
Then 2hours later at 10:15, Mr. Toby decided it was time for the next walk. So Jen is gone one day and these two are back to, “Take me out every two hours.” I got up and decided we all needed a little vortex fix. Off we went to Bell Rock. This time we walked ½ way around Court Butte (or as I like to call it—Butt) and then we took Phone Trail. It was just what Toby and I needed. He was a bit out of sorts too. He was doing fine with the travel out here and Sedona was the one who was very upset Jen was not with us. She had not been eating regularly and lost 5pounds. As soon as Jen arrived, she was back to eating 3 squares a day and just fine. Toby now is upset and doesn’t understand why Jen just left again. We are assuming he figured Jen was permanently gone and now that she was back, he doesn’t quite understand. His past transitions have always been like the latter—just gone. Transitions make imprints.
I got myself ready for Pilates and off I went not feeling strong and thinking I didn’t practice enough over the weekend. Well, over the course of the session I realized I have gained quite a bit of strength. I was doing the plank (like a push up but raise your legs instead) with new found strength. I also could do 100 count of the breathing—5 short breaths in and then 5 out all while in like a crunch with legs raised. Yay!!! I felt great leaving Pilates. I realized that the years I spent in graduate school, I never did anything to make myself feel strong except if I had a good teaching day or my professors liked my paper. It was never about me and doing something internal for myself.
I forgot how awesome it can be to be athletic—get in touch with my body. My dear friend from my high school softball team reminded me about how much fun we used to have. I was focused and intense about softball and being physically ready. However, those were the days before strength training, we all just practiced all the time and ran etc….Wow—almost 20years since high school.
I often wonder how the people we went to high school, junior high, or grammar school can offer such a deep connection. I mean how did out of all the schools does one end up where we each ended up and then we are forever connected to each person because we went to school together. I used to resist it, deny it, try to forget it and I realized those feelings were more about me and nothing to with the wonderful folks I went to school with. Now at 37, I have very few people in my life who have known me 10 years let alone 20 or more. It is a gift—and thank you to all my high school chums.
Be strong—Go Lakers!!!