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Day 34–Cheetos, Tony Robbins & Cheesburgers

I continue to be restless. I feel depressed today. No pilates today–you know I need the structure of a regular exercise–I am figuring that out……I miss Jen. I had a rhythm to being by myself and with the dogs and now I can’t get back to it. What is that old saying—you can never go back. I have struggled with my protein only diet all week—let’s just say I have kept it between 1200-1500 each day. Can anyone say cheeseburger & fries? Which is a circle because then I beat myself up for that.  What was I writing about yesterday—being in the now. You know most self-help gurus it is about them too. We all teach what we need to learn and write what we need to work out.

Jen tried to tell me about a VIP of Northampton complimenting me on how well I have done in real estate and all I could focus on was that they mentioned I have not been doing it for a long time. Let’s be clear—a long time in Northampton is like 20+years so no I have not been doing it a long time. Isn’t it funny–I have never been the right age. In my 20’s I was too young and in my 30’s I am still too young–it must be a Baby Boomer thing. They think that anyone younger than them is just too young, or needs to put in 30years of experience to be able to offer something. Has anyone told them the world doesn’t work like that anymore???

I talked to Jen about going home early today. I know—shocking!  I have a list of things I need to do for my business and I am anxious to get going. I feel self-indulgent—I mean really 2 months away. She reminded me how much I moved, planned and set up to be here and why come home 1 week early. It is still cold there and that is not changing. My buddy Tim is coming in about 10days that will be fun.

I saw Tony Robbins on tonight about his new self achievement road map or something like that. This stuff is hard. Being self-reflective, being open, trying to change. I need to remember Don Miguel Ruiz—he talks about how each day has 8hours in it. Each day we can work 8hours and some days the 8hours are more productive or feel better than others but each day that is all we can give.

I spent today stuck in planning my departure and what I will do when I return and not feeling great about myself.  It happens—we are or I am my own worse critic.

I have enjoyed some sweet treats and Cheetos—what better to add to the sundae of the day.

This is part of change—resisting, falling back, steps back to take steps ahead.

The upshot is I realized I feel strong enough to do hot yoga—so on Sunday—hot yoga!!! Yay!!!

Even Tony Robbins has tough days—I wonder what they are like???? Any ideas? Do you think they involve Cheetos?

p.s. Do you think Courtney K is a secret lesbian???

About Joy Rain

Joy has been a diversity and inclusion consultant and mediator for over ten years. Prior to consulting, she was professor of Psychology and Women Studies. Joy has a Master of Arts in Psychology (Boston University) and a Master of Education in Social Justice Education (UMASS Amherst).

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