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It’s not you it’s me…….

Here is a clip from the iconic Seinfeld. I think it captures the essence of today’s post (shouldn’t we call it a blib or a blab like tweets & twitter). Just copy and paste in your browser.

I am home one week today. Home is a relative term. I am home because my family is back together. I terribly miss the red rocks of Sedona. Re-entry has been tough. Everything is up and wants to be resolved. Needless to say, a lot of energy has been used this week trying to clear conflict and make peace with it all. Today,  I realized another layer to acceptance. The last conversation I had with my mother, I had thought was a good one. We were open, honest and both committed to just working it out. We ended our conversation with her telling me she would call me, “Tomorrow and tell me how her appointment went and check in on where I was with my drive.”

The call never came. I hesitated to try her as she was with my stepdad and when she is with him, she doesn’t take my calls. While that is not a new occurrence, my patience for it and how I am interpreting it is. I take it personally now. Isn’t that what happens when we are fighting–everything becomes personal just when nothing really is. I never did call. My sister came and went to Massachusetts and visited her cousins and friends.

I am 37 years old and never thought I would be in this situation with my immediate family. All I can do is accept it. What does that mean exactly? Well, I can accept that what was is no more and our relationship is no longer about phone calls. It is about checking in every few weeks or months and that is how it is. The dynamic between the four of us, my dad, mom, and sister is fascinating. We all do the same things to each other in different iterations and the cycle continues. Family configurations–how did they come into being? How did these four souls decide this configuration in this life time and why? I will never know.

I just know that accepting what is in the present moment is all I can do. Accepting that is huge because it means, I am no longer saddled with the past or the future. It is freeing and allows grief and anger to come up and leave. I guess that is where my Dad is and has been. It is so amazing to me the lessons I learn from him every day. Now, even my step mom, his wife checks in on me now. It is comforting to have that and a gift. Go Figure!

One never knows the various family configurations or life configurations for that matter that will occur. Some occur every decade, every 7-10years, every 5—there is always change. What is it for you? What was your configuration 10years ago and what is it today? We all play a role in it and so when we accept what is we are also accepting others.

Acceptance is a spiritual connection. Maintaining the presence of mind for acceptance is the realization that the Universe is always there. Something greater is always available for us to connect with. I find it harder to see, feel, and maintain outside the womb of Sedona as that is the magic.  How do you feel the magic of the Universe? How do you feel your spirit being nourished?

So who is it? Me or you? We always have a choice in our we respond to others. Others bring up in us what we need to work out. We may not always see it or want to or even understand what it is that we need to figure out but it is more about us/me and you/them:)

About Joy Rain

Joy has been a diversity and inclusion consultant and mediator for over ten years. Prior to consulting, she was professor of Psychology and Women Studies. Joy has a Master of Arts in Psychology (Boston University) and a Master of Education in Social Justice Education (UMASS Amherst).


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